Who to Root for this Super Bowl if You Hate Both Teams

Man, Championship Sunday sucked. I’m sorry for everyone who had to go through that - it seems like everyone who lives outside of the Delaware Valley was rooting for Washington, and everyone outside of Kansas and Missouri was rooting for Buffalo. Like most people, I’m not happy with this matchup, but it looks like we’ll have to choose between the lesser of two evils. Let’s break it down:

Reasons not to root for Philadelphia:

1) The Referees in the Commanders Game

I’m just going to list the crap calls from this game. I know we got beat by 33 points, but momentum matters in sports, and a bad call that puts a team down 21 as opposed to down 14 is huge. You can come back down 14 in the last few minutes of a game with a score, a stop, and a score. Down 21 is a whole quarter-plus comeback effort with perfect offense and perfect D.

Call 1: The pass interference call on 3rd and 13 with 1:45 left in Q1, Eagles up 14-12. This was a pretty questionable call, and I could argue that Marshon Lattimore was diving for the ball the same as Devonta Smith, and any contact was incidental. This put the ball at the one, giving the Eagles an easy touchdown to go up 20-12. No penalty would have made this a field goal attempt for a pretty inconsistent Jake Elliott.

Call 2: The flag for unsportsmanlike conduct on Marshon Lattimore when he and AJ Brown were going at it during the above-mentioned run play which resulted in a score. This should’ve been offsetting penalties on both players or even no call at all on either. The NFL needs to do better on unsportsmanlike penalties where they only penalize the player they see acting more aggressively last. The NBA does a better job of this (though I would argue the NBA is too ticky-tacky with such penalties). The Commies actually stopped the tush push on the resulting attempted 2-point try, so this didn’t affect the game per se.

Call 3: The late hit penalty on Mike Sainristil on 3rd and 10 with 52 seconds left in Q2 on the Commanders 24-yard line. Saquon Barkley rushes for 5 yard to the sideline, Washington DB Sainristil hits him just after he runs out of bounds, and Sainristil gets a late hit call. But Sainristil moved to hit him before Barkley stepped out. It only looked “bad” because Saquon was running at full speed so he went flying 5 yards into the sideline. This is another call that easily should have been a medium-length FG attempt but ended up in a touchdown for Philly. Eagles go up 27-12 with 39 seconds until halftime.

Call 4: In the 4th quarter with 13:44 left, the Eagles are up 34-23, and the game is far from over. 1st and Goal on Washington’s 2-yard line, the Commies defense stops the tush push from getting to the end zone, and the refs blow the whistle saying the defense lined up in the neutral zone. That’s a crock. Everyone's damned head was practically touching. This play segues into what I’m going to discuss in Reason 2 below.

2) The Tush Push

Let me be abundantly clear - I don’t think the tush push should be banned. If you’re getting outmuscled and can’t stop a team from getting one yard that’s your problem. What I do have an issue with is referees not allowing teams to play defense against it. The Commanders had stopped the tush push twice already this game, as mentioned in Call 2 and Call 4, although one time was a “penalty”. The Commanders actually stopped the tush push again on the first down that came right after the aforementioned penalty, as Jalen Hurts fumbled the snap. Then what proceeded is the most comical sequence maybe of the year, where Washington linebacker Frankie Luvu attempted to time the snap, as he had done earlier in the game, and leapt over the line. He was called for a penalty, and the Eagles got the ball a yard closer on a new 1st down. He then tried to time the snap again, and jumped over the line, resulting in another penalty, and the Eagles got the ball half a yard closer.

The refs warned Washington if Luvu tries this antic again, they will get an unsportsmanlike conduct foul. Then, Jonathan Allen accidentally jumped offsides. The refs of course flagged him, as they should, but what followed next was a top ten most disgusting thing I’ve seen an NFL ref do. The ref said that “the referee can award a score if this type of ‘behavior’ happens again”. THE EAGLES WERE HARD COUNTING. That is, they were intentionally trying to get the Commanders to jump offsides. The Commanders had stopped them twice already on the brotherly shove, so the Eagles had to play some mind games to make sure they got into the endzone. On the other side, the Commanders are trying to jump as soon as the ball is snapped to STOP THE EAGLES FROM GETTING A TOUCHDOWN. That’s called playing defense.

Just as a clarifying point, this penalty does exist for a good reason. It exists to counteract a “palpably unfair act”, such as a player running off the sideline to prevent a touchdown, or a head coach tripping a kick returner running down the sideline. Something as unsportsmanlike as that, of course, should not just result in a few more yards or in a new set of downs for the victim team, but deserves something more severe in terms of punishment for the offending team. What this rule does not exist for is to punish a team for getting accidental penalties while playing defense, especially when the opposing team is actively trying to provoke the penalties. So, no, don’t ban the tush push. But the NFL shouldn’t be trying to discourage teams from playing defense against it either.

3) AJ Brown

Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-Imagn Images / Bill Streicher-Imagn Images

Eagles wide receiver AJ Brown is a coward. Dude is all bark no bite. Nothing says maturity like calling out your team’s “passing” publicly to the press, or “reading” books on the sideline when you’re not getting enough targets. Also, if you’re going to try to come at Marshon Lattimore on a run play and get in his face, don’t play victim and back down like a weenie when the refs come over. The two were mutually shoving and grabbing, and once Lattimore’s helmet came off, Brown started back peddling and put up his hands like he was just an innocent bystander. Man up AJ. You’re 6’1”, 226 lbs, and the third highest-paid wide receiver in the league. Something I’ve always respected about football, relative to soccer and the NBA, is that everyone understands it’s a physical game, and players take pride in physically dominating each other. As Jim Harbaugh said, “The human body craves contact”, and part of what makes American football awesome is that dudes are trying to hit one another hard. And, until seemingly recently, players didn’t flop for calls. An unnecessary roughness penalty should be earned, and I hate the way the league is moving where if a defender accidentally grazes the QB’s helmet with his pinky finger after he throws the ball it’s called a roughing the passer penalty. Protecting players by enforcing penalties is great, but if guys are flopping for extra yardage and first downs, it hurts the integrity of the game.

4) The Philly fan base

I’m so sick of Eagles fans. You guys are the biggest scum bags in the NFL. Whether it’s booing and throwing snowballs at Santa Claus, beating up Chief Zee (the Redskins unofficial fan mascot at the time) and breaking his leg, throwing Snowballs at the Cowboys and pretty much anyone in the way, cheering Cowboy’s WR Michael Irvin’s career-ending injury, throwing batteries at players, throwing a cheesesteak at Redskins DT Chris Baker, verbally pestering NFL player Joey Bosa while he’s just trying to watch his brother play against the Eagles, verbally harassing opposing team’s fans, or just general harassment of the opposing team’s fans as they try to leave the stadium, it’s clear they keep it classy in The City of Brotherly Love. But hey, whaddya expect from a city whose proudest icon is a statue of a fictional boxer?

Reasons not to root for Kansas City:

1) The Chiefs Love Affair with the Refs

If you watched either of the last two Chiefs games and felt like the refs made some questionable calls, you weren’t the only one. Let me address some of the ball spots. I completely understand that one ref on one side of the field may make a bad call - it’s a small ball and a lot of big bodies are around. What I don’t understand is how, when the play is reviewed by the NFL in New York, an obviously bad call can stand. The video-assisted replay is supposed to be the objective failsafe! I’m not on the "NFL is rigged" train, but things like ball spots, if a catch was truly caught, and whether or not the ball crossed the plane on a touchdown REALLY matter in football. Buffalo was given two consecutive terrible spots on a drive that very well could have put Buffalo up 9 points with 10 or so minutes left in the game. Instead, these awful calls caused a turnover on downs which put the ball back in the Chiefs hands who marched down and scored to go up 6.

Aside from those two terrible spots, the worst call of the game was actually the “catch” by Xavier Worthy on 3rd and 5, Chiefs up 14-10. If neither player has firm possession of the ball before it LITERALLY HITS THE GROUND, then it is a textbook incomplete pass. This is a play that if called incomplete would’ve been a long field goal attempt to maybe go up 17-10, but instead, resulted in a touchdown for KC to put them up 21-10. Mind you, Kansas City goes on to win this game by just a field goal.

Also, Travis Kelce pulled something similarly despicable to what AJ Brown did above. After Mahomes took it himself for a tough running touchdown, putting a pretty good hit stick (for a QB) on Bills safety Damar Hamlin, Travis Kelce came in and got in the face of Hamlin. I have no issue with any of this from either party. Then Bill's DT Jordan Phillips comes to Hamlin’s defense and bumps Kelce with his helmet. Kelce then throws his arms up like a cartoon character who got shoved backward, and a penalty is called on Phillips. Travis sure doesn’t mind taunting the 6 foot, 200-pound safety, but when the 6’6” 340-pound tackle comes over, he cowers. I’m over players acting tough until the boys in black and white come to their protection. Travis is the guy who says “hold me back” when he’s about to get in a fight. I know you can’t afford to mess up your pretty face now that you’re a big Hollywood celebrity, but this is bush league. Kelce did end up getting fined $11K by the NFL after the match, but what does that mean for the game?

Say what you want about “the NFL is rigged” or “the Bills didn’t deserve to win that game”, but I’m sick and tired of bad calls impacting the outcome of games. Football needs to take some cues from what they did with soccer in the FIFA World Cup and other major European leagues with VAR (video-assisted referee). I don’t know if you would have to chip the ball or have some kind of laser plane or what, but football needs a solution to this issue STAT. We can’t have two refs on the field, one spotting the ball a yard behind the first down, the other spotting the ball a yard past it, and then the NFL video replay assistants in New York arbitrarily choosing which spot was right. This was a closer game than the Washington game, and you can’t tell me that any one of the poorly made calls couldn’t have affected the game outcome.

2) The Chiefs Fans

It’s kind of a shame Travis Kelce’s girlfriend took the spotlight away from Brittany and Jackson Mahomes. That dynamic duo gave us Chiefs haters a good bit of cannon fodder every few weeks. Just to be clear, I’m not a Taylor hater. I just find it beyond grotesque that the NFL owners are salivating at the fact that the number-one pop star in the country has become a regular attendee at NFL games. You just know that Roger Goodell and his henchmen are praying that the Chiefs win this next one and that Kelce decides to propose to Taylor on the field under the confetti. Anything to increase ratings/viewership, right? And can I just say, it’s a load of bull that Taylor became a Chiefs fan in 2023 and her team has won one Super Bowl and is now vying for its second? If you’ve been a Browns fan since the 1970 AFL-NFL merger, you’ve never even seen your team make a Super Bowl game - that’s half a century man, and she just walks into this?

3) You're an AFC West or a Patriots Fan

As a Raiders fan, I really have trouble bringing myself to get anywhere near supportive of the Chiefs and Mahomes. That’s just a good old-fashioned rivalry though, which I’m sure the Chargers and Broncos fans would agree with. From another perspective, I couldn’t imagine the anxiety the Tom Brady/Patriots fan-boys are going through right now. In 2021, Tom Brady won his 7th Super Bowl, walloping Patty and the Chiefs in the game, and it looked like Brady’s legacy as the GOAT was cemented. He became the equivalent of the NBA’s Bill Russell, a record we all thought would be untouchable for at least decades to come. Mahomes only had one ring at that point, but hell, a lot of people have one ring. Then Patty got his second in 2022. Then his third last year. If Mahomes gets to four (and three of those in a row, mind you), people are going to jump to the GOAT conversation. He’s only 29, and if he stays healthy like Tom, he’s got about 16 years left. But let’s be real, even if he never even sniffs seven, winning three in a row could arguably be a greater accomplishment. No one’s done it to date, and only 8 teams have ever even won back-to-back championships. Tom might just unretire and man the helm for the Silver and Black if Mahomes gets this one - and if I were a “Brady is the GOAT” Masshole, I’d be quaking in my boots.

4) Success

At the end of the day, I think we’re all just tired of seeing Mahomes, Andy Reid, and Travis Kelce win, year after year after year. I think it was Reggie Jackson who said “Fans don’t boo nobodies”. Every dynasty in any sports-dom becomes detestable, and let’s be frank, it’s mostly because everyone is jealous. Whether it was the Big 3 Heat, the Splash Bros Warriors, the Brady-Belichick Patriots, or the 90’s Cowboys, people get tired of seeing the same teams succeed over and over again while their home franchise can’t field a team that can even make the playoffs. Just to be clear, I don’t blame anyone for feeling this way, especially when it seems like the league certainly favors the guys at the top of the heap. I think being a hater is part of what makes sports so great - NFL Sundays just wouldn’t quite be the same if we didn’t have Skip Bayless or Colin Cowherd dropping some old man, “Baker Mayfield shouldn’t wear his hat backward” take on a Monday morning. All power to the haters man - keep doing your thing.

What about me? It makes me nauseous to say it, and maybe my opinion will change come game time, but I’m supporting Kansas City in this one. That NFC Championship game was too painful, and I want Patty and his boys to bury those Eagles bums. I want to see Travis Kelce doing the Salt Bae celebration in front of thousands of foul-mouthed Philly fans. I want to see Jackson Mahomes doing TikTok dances on the Eagles logo. I want to see AJ Brown crying on X after JuJu Smith-Schuster outperforms him yet again in the Super Bowl. As a Raiders and Commanders fan, I don’t really mind Mahomes achieving greatness by getting a three-peat, because I don’t see it being at the Raiders or Commies expense. Don’t misunderstand me though, I don’t want the Chiefs to win another, I just see it as an “enemy of my enemy” sort of thing, and right now, the Eagles are enemy number one. Shoot those Birds out of the sky.